12 Days of Inappropriate Christmas Gifts | 2024

The 12 Days of Inappropriate Christmas Gifts is back and badder than ever! We're here to help you find the funniest, most outrageous Christmas gifts this great land has to offer. Brace yourself for a sleigh full of laughter and mischief! Whether you've been naughty or nice, we've got something that'll make you chuckle like Santa himself.

Sit back with a coffee or a rum (no judgment), and get ready to laugh out loud as we unwrap a mix of favourites from previous years and some fresh picks from our local gems. We're bringing you the best of the best, with a touch of Aussie humour that'll have you ho-ho-ho-ing all the way through the holiday season.

So, let's spread some cheeky holiday cheer and explore the wackiest, most inappropriate gifts that'll leave your loved ones in stitches. Get ready to sleigh this gift-giving game and make this Christmas truly unforgettable. It's time to find those presents that'll make Santa blush and make everyone's spirits bright! 🎅✨

Join us for this riotous celebration of laughter, mischief, and the joy of giving. Make sure to follow us now, as we unveil a new surprise every day for the 12 Days of Inappropriate Christmas Gifts. It's the season to be sassy, jolly, and authentically you. Let's make this holiday season the most hilarious one yet! 😄🎁

1 - The Inappropriate Gift Co

Cunt of the Year trophy. Speaks for itself really 🏆

Look, a few out there deserve this, so you might want to order in bulk! I only need one….

Head over to our friends at The Inappropriate Gift Co to get yours.

2 - Uncle Reco

I need one of these 🤣

Keeps the sun off and lets people know I'm in charge. 

Let's face it this Christmas will be hot as hell, you might as well protect the noggin.

Don’t forget, no hat no play! 

3 - Ken Oath

If you’re Aussie you’ll get it…. If not well, ask an Aussie!

This year we love the Farkenoath Bitters Mens Tee, who doesn’t love a road trip!?"Got the beers?" A road trip out west requires the finest of bush supply - namely a cool tee, tough rig, good crew and 10 cartons of Far-Kenoath.

Because Desi is a great bloke, he's offering a sneaky 20% discount! Use the code MISFIT20

4 - Farkew Emporium

We all love a bit of ring-sting 🔥

Fuck me That’s Hot Sauce- This aptly-named, super-hot creation combines the sweetness from fresh kiwifruit with New Zealand-grown Smokin’ Ed’s Carolina Reaper Peppers.   

5 - Threadheads

Cockatoo Beer Air Freshener

Live, laugh, sniff

The Mona Lisa of air fresheners. A scent that conquers all. Pimp your ride with designs that'll have your passengers begging you to keep your eyes on the road.

6 - Sew Quirky

This one hits home hard. As a fellow creative and someone who genuinely loves helping people, I can’t tell you how many times I actually did do work for the so-called ‘exposure’. 

Design by Lucy Jennings

7 - Cheeky Plant Co. Pot

I couldn’t go past Serial Plant Killer Pot I have the best intentions but there have been a few deaths. Side note, shitty toxic environments are bad for plants and I’m not talking about chemicals....

8 - Maisey & Oscar

I’d Fuck Me Bath Mat

It speaks for itself really!  

The perfect gift for your sexiest of friends (especially those who have just gone through a self-love-depleting breakup) or for yourself #obvs, it’s time to let your self-love free with the rudest and most rebellious bath mat we’ve ever created.

9 - Spicy Baboon

White Member 🍆❄️ - Christmas Ornament

If any of you misfits get this, I want photos! I’ll send you a Misfit Bottle opener for your troubles. Bonus points if you snuck it in on Mum's tree without her noticing.

10 - Box of Goodies

I couldn’t go past the Dirty Bitch Gift Box

Packed with naughtiness she'll get a laugh and smell pretty! If a unique gift is what you're after, send our dirty bitch box and listen for the laughter - it's guaranteed! Perfect for the bitchy men in your life too!

11 - TBL Designs

This lady is a local and I spied her gear at the Springfield markets. She gets around….not in that way! I meant she sells at the markets around Springfield, Tambourine, Ripley and surrounds. I couldn’t go past the Fuck it Calander. I say it so much that my parrot Dexter is starting to say it 😂

You can pick this bad boy up online or at their studio, located at Forest Lake, Brisbane, Qld. Check out their socials for what market they will be at.. 

Be quick, stocks are limited.

12 - Dad man trading

Rudolph G-String

I laughed my ass off at this one. Last but not least….Keep ya willy covered with a ‘One size fits most’ g banger. Spice up your flashing with this masterpiece. Make this year's Christmas unforgettable. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed this years' 12 Days of Inappropriate Christmas Gifts! We had an absolute blast sharing these hilarious and cheeky gift ideas with you. Remember, the holiday season is all about spreading laughter, mischief, and joy, and what better way to do that than with a gift that leaves your loved ones in stitches.

As we bid farewell to this riotous celebration, we encourage you to keep the playful spirit alive all year round. Embrace your authentic self, embrace the mischievous side, and never be afraid to bring some laughter into the world. From all of us, we wish you a sassy, jolly, and authentic holiday season. Stay tuned for more laughter and surprises in the days to come. Merry Christmas and may your spirits always be bright! 🎅✨

Don't forget to tag us in any of your purchases @misfitbranding on any social media channel that matters

Why Load Speed Is the Secret Ingredient Your Website Needs

Ever visited a website that took so long to load you started wondering if you could cook a three-course meal in the meantime? Yeah, us too. In this fast-paced digital age, where patience is shorter than a toddler's attention span, load speed isn't just important—it's crucial.

Why Should You Care about Load Speed?

Picture this: your website is the front door to your business. Every second it takes to open is another moment for potential customers to wander off to the next shiny object (or competitor). According to our friends at Google, a load speed of 0-2 seconds is ideal, with 3 seconds being the outer limit of acceptability. Anything beyond that? Well, it's like waiting for a snail to reach the finish line in a rabbit race. If you wanna test your site click HERE.

The Impact of Load Speed

Bounce Rates: A slow website isn't just a minor inconvenience; it's a customer-repellant. If your site takes longer than 3 seconds to load, visitors are likely to abandon ship, contributing to higher bounce rates.

Conversions & Sales: Load speed affects the bottom line. A delay of just one second can lead to a 7% reduction in conversions. Imagine losing 7% of your potential sales just because your website wants to take its sweet time!

SEO Ranking: Google isn't just about keywords anymore. Search engines consider load speed when ranking websites. Faster websites often get more love from Google, meaning better visibility and more traffic.

How to Turbocharge Your Website's Load Speed

Compress Your Images

      Large image files are like carrying a backpack full of bricks on a speed run. Compress your images to reduce their file size without sacrificing quality. You can ask your photographer to save images for web. There are plenty of tools online or plug in you can use as well.

      Choose Quality Hosting

        Think of your web host as the foundation of your online home. If it's shaky, everything else is, too. Shared hosting is cost-effective but can be as sluggish as a Monday morning. If you're serious about speed, consider switching to cloud hosting for a significant boost in load times.

        Leverage Browser Caching

          Browser caching allows stored data to be loaded faster, like having your morning coffee ready before you even think about getting up. Set up browser caching to keep returning visitors happy and your site performing at its peak.

          Minimize HTTP Requests

            Every element of your webpage (like images, scripts, and stylesheets) requires an HTTP request. The more requests, the slower the load time. Minimize these by combining files, reducing redirects, and simplifying your design.

            Optimize Your Code

              Clean, efficient code is like a well-oiled machine. Remove unnecessary characters (like spaces and comments) from your HTML, CSS, and JavaScript to ensure your code is as lean as a marathon runner.

              Load speed might not be the most glamorous aspect of web design, but it's the unsung hero that ensures your website remains user-friendly and your business stays competitive. By following the steps above, you'll not only improve your site's performance but also enhance your users' experience, leading to better engagement and, ultimately, a healthier bottom line.

              Need more tips on making your website lightning-fast? Drop us a comment or get in touch. Let's take your website from tortoise to hare! 🚀

              Get Your Business Online for Free

              Hey there, small business owner! Ready get found online without breaking the bank? You're in luck! We've got the ultimate guide to launching your business online for free. Yep, you heard that right—FREE. Let's get started!

              Step 1: Set Up a Google Business Profile

              First things first, let's make sure people can find you! Setting up a Google Business Profile is like planting your business flag on the world map. It's simple, and it's probably the most effective (and cost-effective) way to boost your online visibility.

              Bonus Tip: Connect your Google Business profile to a Yahoo profile. This dynamic duo will help you reach customers you didn't even know existed!

              Extra Bonus Tip: We made a video about this a few years back when we had a Pink Mullet...its worth a look!

              Step 2: Get Social with Social Media

              Social media is like a magical playground where your business gets to show off. Whether it's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok, choose platforms where your potential customers hang out. Regular posts and interactive stories will keep your audience engaged and coming back for more.

              Pro Tip: Consistency is key! Pick a schedule and stick to it, like your morning coffee routine. It doesn't matter if its once a week.

              Step 3: Join Local Facebook Groups

              Let's face it, we're all guilty of a little Facebook lurking. Why not put it to good use by joining local Facebook groups? These groups are treasure troves of potential customers. Share your expertise, offer promotions, and watch your community grow.

              Insider Advice: Be genuine and helpful in these groups. Nobody likes a pushy salesperson.

              Step 4: Build a Free Website

              Ah, the pièce de rÊsistance! No online presence is complete without a website. Free website builders like Wix and WordPress are perfect for creating a basic site that showcases your products and services.

              Website Wisdom: Remember, the website is your digital storefront, so keep it clean, easy-to-navigate, and visually appealing.

              The Catch – There Ain’t No Such Thing as a Free Lunch!

              While these steps are a fantastic start, remember that nothing truly comes for free. In the digital world, if you're not paying for the product, you are the product. But don't worry—these foundations will set you up nicely for when you're ready to invest in a professional website.

              Final Thoughts: Getting your business online doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. Follow these steps, stay authentic, and remember to have fun with it. When you're ready to take it up a notch, we'll be here cheering you on!

              Happy hustling, future online misfits!

              Mobile Optimisation is Non-Negotiable for Business Websites

              Hey there, savvy business owners!

              In this digital age, where smartphones are practically an extension of our hands, ensuring your website is mobile-friendly isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a downright necessity. Wondering why? Well, hang tight as we take an eye-opening plunge into the world of mobile optimisation!

              Mobile Optimisation Rulz!

              As of the first quarter of 2024, around 95.9 percent of global users accessed the internet via mobile phones, while 93.7 percent reported doing so via smartphones. By comparison, internet access via laptop or desktop was reported by almost 62.2 percent of respondents.

              Gone are the days when people sat at their desks hunting down information on clunky old desktops. Today, they prefer the convenience of browsing on-the-go via their smartphones. If your website isn't optimized for mobile, you're essentially hanging a "Closed" sign on your virtual storefront to this massive audience.

              What You Risk by Ignoring Mobile Optimisation

              Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room. Businesses with non-responsive sites are leaving money on the table. Imagine attracting a potential customer to your site, only for them to bounce faster than a kangaroo on caffeine because your site looks like a jigsaw puzzle gone wrong on their phone. Ouch!

              Google, our friendly neighbourhood search engine, has also hopped on the mobile-first indexing bandwagon. This means that Google primarily uses the mobile version of your site for ranking and indexing. A non-mobile-friendly site could see its search rankings plummet, reducing your visibility and, subsequently, your potential customer base. Cue the horror music!

              Making the Case for Mobile Optimisation

              Alright, so we've established that mobile optimisation is crucial. But how do you convince the sceptics out there?

              1. Customer Experience Matters: Mobile-optimised websites provide a seamless user experience. Think smooth scrolling, easy navigation, and lightning-fast load times—all factors that keep your audience engaged and eager to explore more.
              2. Boost Your Bottom Line: Studies show that mobile users are more likely to make purchases compared to their desktop counterparts. By optimizing your site for mobile, you're not just catering to a larger audience; you're catering to a more conversion-ready audience!
              3. Stay Ahead of the Competition: In today's hyper-competitive digital landscape, having a mobile-friendly site is not just about keeping up with the Joneses—it's about staying ahead. A responsive design can be your secret weapon in capturing the attention of potential customers.

              Mobile First, Always

              Building a website with mobile-first attributes is no longer an afterthought. It's the starting point. When designing or redesigning your site, think about the mobile experience first and foremost. Consider the layout, font size, images, and overall functionality.

              Incorporate features like click-to-call buttons, seamless social media integration, and easy-to-fill-out forms. These elements enhance the mobile user experience and make your site a joy to explore.

              In a nutshell, mobile optimisation is the key to unlocking your business's potential in the digital world. It's no longer a question of "Should I?" but rather "How soon can I get started?"

              If your website is still stuck in the Stone Age of desktop-only design, it’s time to evolve. Invest in mobile optimisation today and watch your business soar to new heights. After all, in the world of business, it's a mobile-first universe, and we're all just living in it!

              Need help getting started? Feel free to reach out to our team of creative wizards who can transform your site into a mobile-friendly masterpiece.

              Accessibility Web Design

              That's Uncle John. He is featured in one of my sight experiments mentioned below. Look at him enjoying the Boyne River. Blissfully unaware of how traumatized my kids were about to make him lol.

              When was the last time you fretted over font choice, colour schemes, or design aesthetics? If you’re a any level designer, these decisions are par for the course. But how often do you consider that your masterpiece could be an eyesore for someone with vision impairments? Worldwide, 285 million people are visually impaired, and this includes 39 million who are blind. A staggering 246 million individuals struggle with low vision. Yet, for many of us blessed with 20/20 vision, this reality is often overlooked. Accessibility in web design is not a fad, its legit.

              The Eye-Opening Reality of Vision Impairment

              Blinding Statistics

              These numbers aren’t just statistics; they represent real people. Imagine a world where colours blur into a single shade, or text dances elusive across a page. For millions, this isn’t imagination—it’s daily life. Understanding these challenges is crucial for creating designs that are inclusive and welcoming to all.

              Designing for the Colourblind

              Red and green might be festive together on a Christmas sweater, but pair them on a website, and you could create a holiday headache for the colourblind. While we, in our design playgrounds, often gravitate towards vibrant and contrasting palettes, we must remember that not everyone sees the world as we do.

              A Personal Awakening

              For me, the realization hit home during a project with a client who was both deaf and had low vision. The design needed to be clear and accessible not just for her, but for all her current and potential clients. This experience was a game changer. I started to question my choices, foregoing hard-to-read fonts and indistinct colour variations. My priority shifted from aesthetic allure to functional clarity.

              Designing with Purpose

              Avoiding Visual Clutter

              One of the first steps to inclusive design is avoiding clutter. Imagine trying to decode a cluttered page with blurry vision—frustrating, right? By crafting clean, straightforward layouts, we ensure information is easily digestible for everyone.

              Making Bold Choices

              Bold, clear fonts become the superheroes of accessible design. They don’t just stand out; they shout, “Look at me, I’m easy to read!” Steer clear from those fancy, swirling scripts that might look elegant to some but resemble tangled spaghetti to others.

              Colour You Can Count On

              While procrastinating one day, I considered swapping my brand’s sunflower yellow for a fluorescent green-yellow. It seemed like a harmless change—until a fellow designer reminded me about its potential nightmare for the colourblind. This revelation led me to run a little family experiment.

              Family-Driven Experimentation

              Uncle John’s Insight

              In search of a colourblind test subject, I reached out to the family. Lo and behold, good old Uncle John stepped up. I sent him a series of slides, eager to see the world through his eyes. His feedback was enlightening. He could read all 3 tiles. Out of all 3 designs he could read the first one the easiest. Its a combo of fluro green and yellow.

              The Impact of Inclusive Design

              The feedback from Uncle John wasn’t just helpful; it was transformational. By understanding his perspective, I gained insights that textbooks couldn't teach. His input became a catalyst for change, pushing me to redefine my approach to web design.

              Learning from Mistakes

              We all make mistakes. The key is learning from them and growing. My colourblind faux pas taught me that accessibility isn’t an afterthought. It's a fundamental part of the design process, deserving as much attention as layout or typography.

              Creating Web Accessibility

              The Role of Technology

              Thankfully, technology is our ally in this quest for inclusivity. Tools and resources abound to help us design better, more accessible websites. From screen readers to colourblind simulators, technology empowers us to craft experiences that cater to every user.

              Simple Steps for Big Impact

              Improving accessibility doesn’t require a complete overhaul. Small changes—like adjusting contrast or providing text alternatives for images—can have a big impact. These tweaks ensure that everyone, regardless of their abilities, can enjoy and interact with your website.

              Building a Community of Inclusivity

              Designers, developers, and business owners must band together in this pursuit. By sharing knowledge and experiences, we foster a community committed to making the web a more inclusive space. Through collaboration, we break down barriers and build bridges.

              A Brighter, More Accessible Future

              Educating the Masses

              Spread the word about the importance of web accessibility. The more people understand these challenges, the more momentum we gain in creating a web that’s welcoming to all. Use your platform to educate others and inspire change.

              Encouraging Empathy

              Empathy is the heart of accessible design. When we step into the shoes of those with vision impairments, we can better address their needs. Encourage others to see the world from a different perspective and champion inclusivity in all aspects of life.

              Taking Action

              Ready to make a difference? Start by evaluating your own designs. Identify areas for improvement and implement changes that foster inclusivity. Every small step contributes to a larger movement, bringing us closer to a world where everyone can fully participate in the digital experience.

              The web is a vast, dynamic space. Let's ensure it remains open and welcoming to everyone, regardless of their abilities. By prioritizing accessibility in our designs, we’re not just enhancing usability—we’re enriching lives. Together, we can create a digital landscape that truly reflects the diversity and vibrancy of the people who use it. Now go forth and design with empathy, creativity, and inclusivity. The world needs your vision, let us help it get seen!

              Domain vs Hosting

              Why the Fu*k Am I Paying for Domain and Hosting for My Website?

              Aren't They the Same Thing?

              You’re a seasoned business owner, not a techie, and yet here you are, staring at a bill for domain and hosting services wondering, "Why am I paying for both? Aren’t they the same damn thing?" Trust me, you’re not alone. Most folks have no freakin' idea what these terms really mean. But understanding them could save you from a world of digital hurt.

              Domains and Hosting 101

              Let's break it down. Imagine your website is a house. The domain is your street address – it’s how people find you online. It's that nifty URL you type into a web browser. Hosting, on the other hand, is the plot of land your house sits on. It’s where all the files, images, and data live.

              Why Pay Separately?

              Why the separate bills, you ask? Because they serve different purposes! Just as you wouldn’t expect your home address to come with free real estate, you shouldn’t expect your domain to cover hosting (or vice versa). Domains and hosting are distinct services offered by different providers, each with its own set of features and benefits.

              The Industry's Big Misunderstanding

              Many business owners struggle with this concept. You’re not alone. The industry doesn’t exactly make it easy, often bundling services in a way that confuses rather than clarifies. Add to that the tech jargon thrown around, and it’s enough to drive anyone up the wall.

              But here’s the truth bomb—understanding these two elements is crucial to owning your digital space. Your domain is your brand, your identity. Hosting is the power behind it, ensuring your website is fast, secure, and reliable.

              Real-World Insight

              One of our Signwriting clients, was paying through the nose for a bundled package that sounded impressive but delivered little. When we stepped in, we helped separate the wheat from the chaff, optimizing both their domain and hosting costs while enhancing site performance. The result? They saved money and saw a noticeable boost in site speed.

              You can do the same. Know what you’re paying for. Make sure your domain reflects your brand and is easy to remember. Choose hosting that offers the right balance of speed, security, and scalability.

              Breaking Down Challenges

              The industry needs to get its act together. It's time to demystify these services for business owners. Transparency in pricing and service offerings could prevent countless headaches.

              Solutions? Here’s a thought—demand clarity from your provider. Ask questions, challenge assumptions, and ensure you’re getting value for every dollar spent. Consider consulting with experts who can guide you through the maze of domain and hosting options.

              Don't feel dumb

              You shouldn’t feel like an idiot for asking questions about your domain and hosting. Want to know more about the nitty-gritty of domain and hosting? Our team is ready to help untangle the web (pun intended) of services and set you on the path to smarter web management.

              Reach out to us for a consultation. Let's ensure you're getting the most out of your digital presence—without the smoke and mirrors.

              Curbys NT

              Overview

              Curby’s NT, a family-owned gem nestled in the heart of the Northern Territory, is renowned for providing top-notch engraving, trophies, and awards. After over 30 years of excellence, it was time to give their online presence a makeover that matched their vibrant spirit.

              Challenge

              Curby’s NT faced the challenge of updating their website to better reflect their brand identity while ensuring a faster, more intuitive user experience. The goal was to transition from the Avada builder to the Breakdance builder without sacrificing the hard-earned SEO rankings. Additionally, the site needed to incorporate a fresh logo, bold branding colours, and creative graphics to resonate with their innovative approach.

              Solution

              Enter the creative squad armed with digital magic and a flair for design! Our mission? To transform Curby’s NT’s website into a sleek, modern masterpiece. Here's how we did it:

              1. Platform Transition

              We swapped out Avada for the nimble Breakdance builder, resulting in a cleaner, faster site. It’s like upgrading from a vintage bicycle to a high-speed motorcycle—the online equivalent of cruising through the digital highway with style. All within the WordPress space of course.

              2. Branding Overhaul

              Out with the old, in with the new! We applied Curby's NT’s spanking-new logo, bold branding colours, and a unique font style that screams authenticity. Now, every pixel on their site reflects their vibrant personality and their commitment to excellence.

              3. SEO Retention & Enhancement

              SEO isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the backbone of visibility. We made sure no pixel was left behind by meticulously retaining and building upon the existing SEO foundation. The result? A website that's as discoverable as it is delightful.

              4. Service Updates

              Curby’s NT offers a smorgasbord of services—engraving, trophies, awards, and more. We revamped their service pages to ensure visitors could easily find what they were looking for, engaging them with playful yet informative content.

              Results

              Conclusion

              Curby’s NT’s website redesign is a testament to the power of combining creativity with technical prowess. By aligning their online presence with their authentic brand identity, Curby’s NT has positioned itself as a digital darling of the engraving and awards industry.

              Want to give your website the Curby’s NT treatment? Let's chat about how we can bring your vision to life with a dash of playful creativity. Contact us today!

              Top 4 Website Mistakes to Avoid

              You've got a business and are ready to take it online. That's fantastic! But before you leap into the digital world, let's take a moment to ensure your website doesn't make the same classic mistakes that can leave potential customers scratching their heads. Here are some pitfalls to avoid to keep your digital presence as strong as your handshake!

              1. Not Being Clear About What You Do (and Don’t Do)

              Imagine walking into a shop where all the signs say "Maybe, Sort Of, We’ll See!"—confusing, right? Your website shouldn't be a guessing game.

              2. Not Using Consistent Branding

              Branding isn't just for big corporations—it's for every business, including yours. It's like wearing your uniform with pride and consistency.

              3. Not Using a Decent Host and Domain Reseller

              Your website's host is like the engine of your ute; you need something reliable that won't break down halfway through the job.

              4. Copying the Competition

              Sure, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when it comes to business, you want to stand out, not blend in.

              Creating a website is an exciting step in expanding your business, whether you're a trade, farmer, or military professional. By avoiding these common mistakes, you'll be well on your way to building a strong online presence that accurately represents your business and connects with your target audience.

              If you're looking to refine your website strategy or need a hand with branding, don’t hesitate to reach out. We're here to help ensure your website is as solid as the work you do every day.

              Improve Your PR with Pies This Spring

              Spring has sprung in Australia, and you know what that means—the magpies, affectionately known as "Pies," are out in full force. These swoopy boys and girls have a reputation for being a bit... territorial. But don't worry, we've got some tried and true methods to help you avoid injury and maybe even make friends with our feathered frenemies.

              Surviving a Swooping

              Australian Magpie

              If you're finding yourself the target of a magpie's attention this spring, here are some techniques to keep those beaks at bay:

              Stop, Drop, and Roll

              Yes, it sounds like you're on fire, but trust us, it’ll look absolutely hilarious to onlookers. Plus, it might just make the magpie think you’re a bit special.

              Zig Zag Running

              Channel your inner zig-zag master. This confusing AF manoeuvre will make it seem like you're having a fit, potentially baffling the Pie into leaving you alone.

              Sing an Aussie Pub Song

              Magpies love a good tune. Belt out a classic by Jimmy Barnes, Cold Chisel, The Angels, or Australian Crawl. Who knows, you might make a duet partner for life.

              Don’t Fight Back

              Attempting to fight back is a rookie mistake. You’re in their territory, mate. They will not hesitate to show you who’s boss.

              Fetal Position

              If all else fails, curl up and play dead. Not literally, but get into the fetal position. They might think you’re a snowflake and not worth the effort. Pro tip—sobbing loudly can expedite the process.

              Becoming Pie-Friendly

              Why not turn the tables and win over the magpies? With a little effort, you can be on their good side.

              Don't Be a Jerk

              Leave the Pies alone. No chasing, yelling, or throwing things at them. Trust us, they have memories like elephants.

              Talk to Them

              Acknowledging your local Pie with a simple "Hi Pie" can go a long way. It's all about building rapport.

              Sneaky Snacks

              While feeding wildlife is generally discouraged, offering natural treats can build trust. If you happen to have worms or bugs handy, offer them up (because who doesn't have a pocket full of worms?). Flip over a rock or strip some bark to help them DIY their next meal.

              Important: Do NOT feed them man-made products like bread, mince, cheese, alcohol, chocolate, or coffee. Keep it au naturel, folks.

              May the odds be forever in your favour this spring as you coexist with the magpies. Remember, a little kindness and creativity can turn potential aerial assaults into harmonious encounters. Stay safe, stay smart, and most importantly, stay Pie-friendly!