Spring has sprung in Australia, and you know what that means—the magpies, affectionately known as "Pies," are out in full force. These swoopy boys and girls have a reputation for being a bit... territorial. But don't worry, we've got some tried and true methods to help you avoid injury and maybe even make friends with our feathered frenemies.
Surviving a Swooping
If you're finding yourself the target of a magpie's attention this spring, here are some techniques to keep those beaks at bay:
Stop, Drop, and Roll
Yes, it sounds like you're on fire, but trust us, it’ll look absolutely hilarious to onlookers. Plus, it might just make the magpie think you’re a bit special.
Zig Zag Running
Channel your inner zig-zag master. This confusing AF manoeuvre will make it seem like you're having a fit, potentially baffling the Pie into leaving you alone.
Sing an Aussie Pub Song
Magpies love a good tune. Belt out a classic by Jimmy Barnes, Cold Chisel, The Angels, or Australian Crawl. Who knows, you might make a duet partner for life.
Don’t Fight Back
Attempting to fight back is a rookie mistake. You’re in their territory, mate. They will not hesitate to show you who’s boss.
Fetal Position
If all else fails, curl up and play dead. Not literally, but get into the fetal position. They might think you’re a snowflake and not worth the effort. Pro tip—sobbing loudly can expedite the process.
Becoming Pie-Friendly
Why not turn the tables and win over the magpies? With a little effort, you can be on their good side.
Don't Be a Jerk
Leave the Pies alone. No chasing, yelling, or throwing things at them. Trust us, they have memories like elephants.
Talk to Them
Acknowledging your local Pie with a simple "Hi Pie" can go a long way. It's all about building rapport.
Sneaky Snacks
While feeding wildlife is generally discouraged, offering natural treats can build trust. If you happen to have worms or bugs handy, offer them up (because who doesn't have a pocket full of worms?). Flip over a rock or strip some bark to help them DIY their next meal.
Important: Do NOT feed them man-made products like bread, mince, cheese, alcohol, chocolate, or coffee. Keep it au naturel, folks.
May the odds be forever in your favour this spring as you coexist with the magpies. Remember, a little kindness and creativity can turn potential aerial assaults into harmonious encounters. Stay safe, stay smart, and most importantly, stay Pie-friendly!
